


Insomnis

by sadisticxwhisper



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Emotional, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:37:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticxwhisper/pseuds/sadisticxwhisper
Summary: Insomnia - (N.) The Inability to sleep.The word Insomnia is derived from the Latin word Insomnis, which means "sleepless," from the prefix In- "not" & Somnus, "sleep."Hoseok & Shownu;One is a broken lonely student by day and a semi decent cook and busboy by night. The second is a rude genius level student by day and an idol by night.What could they possibly share in common?Little do they know, their pasts are what set them apart from their friends and brings them possibly closer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING  
> The contents of this story may contain sensitive subjects.  
> These subjects include: blood, physical/drug abuse, and sexual content (in the future) that may not appeal to everyone.  
> Note: There is minor mentions of molestation, but no descriptive detail.
> 
> This story is for mature audiences only and is recommend for those as such.

**WONHO POV**

The darkness was my enemy and the hollowness of this apartment did nothing to help me. Call me melodramatic, but in the hours when the day was at its darkest, my ‘home’ was nearly unbearable. This place was dark, desolate, suffocating and I was never sure what hid in the corners and crevices. I always felt the familiar fear and panic creeping up in my chest just by opening the front door. I usually felt comfort and grounded whenever I stared out at moonlight, but here in this place that was mine, but yet so unfamiliar. The moon was shielded from my sight by clouds and buildings, it was so unfair.  
  
I’d lived in this apartment for nearly a month and I still felt like an intruder, it was my new home and yet I didn’t belong. My uncle made special arrangements for me in order to keep me close and still have my privacy, having been very understanding of my anxiety around people.

I looked out the window at the building across the way and nearly laughed. The building I hated for keeping me from the moon was the same landscape that my Uncle and cousin, Minhyuk, lived in. That particular building apparently was home to many rich and wealthy people that certainly didn’t surprise me.

I snatched up my bag from the floor by the door and overlooked my apartment. To anyone, it would be paradise. My uncle and cousin had taken such care to decorate and here I was being ungrateful. I felt a swell of guilt as I reached for the door, let out a heavy sigh, and made my way out to the night.

Since I’d moved into the apartment, I’d managed to obtain a job at a 24 hour restaurant. It was truly a blessing for me. I was good at, for the most part even though I didn’t have much to do. It wasn’t very busy during my work shift, but it helped me to survive the night.

As I entered through the doors, it was warm and open. Always bright, and always had people seated about. No matter the time of day, people were always here in this shop, perhaps because it was in the middle of downtown or they just really enjoyed the food. Nothing awful ever happened to me here, it was my ‘safe place’. Upon trial run in my first week, I thoroughly impressed the owner with my attentiveness. Since then, I had displayed my small cooking talent of Ramen and Dumplings. Upon letting Uncle know about my job, he was slightly peeved at first, surrendering me over to the night where he couldn’t watch over me, but he eventually gave in. He made a visit on my first day and saw for himself how much I enjoyed the tasks. It was rare to witness me enjoying anything.

I’d always made a careful routine of my nights here: busing table, cooking a bit, and doing homework when possible… Anything but sleeping or even thinking about sleeping. Everyone called it ‘Insomnia’. That was probably the correct term to use, but I felt it were something worse. I’ve had lectures from professionals. I’ve had the sleeping pills and various medication meant to keep me sleep for the usual eight hours. They all never understood. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sleep, it was that I _wouldn’t_.  I’d let myself fall into a slumber for no more than 10-15 minutes during the day. It was difficult to do, my body craved the sleep but my mind wouldn’t surrender to it.  I’d spend my days in a cloudy haze, but it was much better and easier than having the dreams. Dreams of hitting, scratching, hiding, tears, pain, the silent screams that I wasn’t allowed to release. Those types of dreams were amongst the pleasant ones. My thoughts were slowing heading towards the darker ones…

I snapped myself out of that line of thinking and began to bury myself in my homework while waiting for more customers to come in. The owner and manager had given me permission to experiment in the kitchen whenever I wanted since more customers loved everything that I had sent out. I’d been attempting to create something new every night, if not more, since I’d started. It was my new habit. When I had stayed with Minhyuk and Uncle for a while I would cook for them. They had always enjoyed my creativity for Ramen and Dumplings.

Thankfully, they never questioned my late night routines. They both were all too happy that I finally caved and closer to them. They would never drive me away by questioning; they knew I had no desire to discuss it. Uncle had begged me to come here almost a year ago right after the events had happened. I had refused, wanting to wallow in my own sorrow and spare them of my behavior and not so bright mood; I didn’t want to burden them. ‘Here I am though’, I said out loud.

I had let my Uncle and cousin think they had won in the decision of me moving here from the U.S., but if I were being honest, I just couldn’t stand it there anymore. There were too many people giving me too much attention. I couldn’t stand anyone touching me or giving me sympathy. I always felt in a near state of panic and it just exhausted me all the time, which in my case was not good for trying to stay up at night.

A previous psychologist said something about defense mechanism, anxiety attacks, and what not. I didn’t entirely understand what they meant until someone touched me. It was in that moment that my mind and body had a reaction that I couldn’t control. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my body convulsed, my vision completely faded and I could just feel the tears pouring out. I despised those reactions; I felt weak, which in my heart, I knew that I wasn’t. Never being able to get close to anyone without hyperventilating was an inconvenience. So, under my conditions for moving here with Uncle and Minhyuk, I made it a point to have a place of my own. It was a bit ridiculous because despite living on my own, they actually only lived in the fancy building across the way. I didn’t want to inconvenience either of them anymore than I already felt I was. They still felt some kind of victory in it all, though.

South Korea was better, it was my birthplace after all. I wouldn’t say I was happy here because it was all so new and strange. I’ve never been happy, no matter the place or people that accompanied. I’d seen too much. But I was a few inches closer to happiness than I was in the U.S., so I couldn’t regret any part of my decision.

_**DING!** _

Lost in my own thoughts, I jumped, dropping my pen; I was brought out of my thinking by the loud sound of the timer telling me to check the dumplings were done.

_Calm down, Hoseok._

I waited for everything to finish cooling before I decided to do anything with them.

I smiled slightly at the dumplings. Before the events in the past year, my mom and I would making Dumplings often. She would never call me by my name, it was always ‘Bunny’. My family often called me by it as well. After everything, the only ones that referred to me as such were Uncle and Minhyuk. I pulled a clean tray out and a label.   _Bunny Gyoza_. I shrugged; I wasn’t that great coming up with clever names for food and things.

Eight hours, several cups of coffee, and all of my college work complete. I had begun making Sweet Egg Sandwiches and such for the morning rush. Uncle had come in this morning as he usually did; I had a special package of  _Bunny Gyoza_  set off to the side for him. He made it a habit to see me in the mornings. I knew his visits were a little out of his way from work, but he didn’t seem to mind and so, neither did I. Last week, Minhyuk began coming to see me during my night shift, which was fine as well. He was always perfectly awake, lively, and cool. He radiated a positive strong attitude. It made me want to almost puke.

His usual attitude was always strong and very sure, but at times a bit childish. My cousin Minhyuk was slightly taller than I, with a slight almost bowl like haircut. I was older than him, but he’d sometimes act more mature than me. We were opposites, yet still got along. He was quite popular at school and made friends with everyone with his bright attitude. By nature, I shied away from everyone. Minhyuk always dressed in trendy, attention grabbing fashions. I went far out of my way to wear nothing that grabbed attention.

See what I mean?

“Gooood morning bunny! Oh I smell buttery egg toast! Can I have one with cheese inside?!” He sort of shouted from a stool in the shop. He was swinging his legs back and forth like a little kid.

I just rolled my eyes and handed him what he requested. I stuffed one in my mouth as I gathered my things. I loved Minhyuk like my brother, but there was no arguing with this kid about not having food in the morning. When he looked up to me from his cheese oozing egg sandwhich, he stopped whatever he was saying mid-sentence. He then revealed the look I had titled the “Concerned Minhyuk Look.”

_Uh-oh… here we go…_

“Shit Seok! You look awful! How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

I grit my teeth. I look awful… geez, thanks for the image booster. I just shrugged like always as we exited the shop. Of course he always asked that question, but would brush it off and continue doing whatever he was up to. Minhyuk was always like this when it came to me - concerned and cautious. He always wanted me to open up to him, but never pried. He wanted to understand, but only when I was ready to explain. Sometimes I wanted to open up, but I couldn’t figure out a way to just properly tell him, and if I did I felt he’d just get more worried.

So, here we both were, driving up the street in comfortable silence back to my place. I didn’t know what to expect today when we reached university.

 

 

\---------------------------

 

 

**Shownu POV**

_Shownu, calm the fuck down!_ I was searching my entire loft for a simple lighter, pulling at my hair in frustration. I had just woken up from a short amount of sleep, about an hour tops. I had started dreaming and it was pretty much fucked up and now I really needed a fucking cigarette.

Only I could have a whole pack of cigs and not a damn thing to light them up with. I needed to clean up this messy place and get seriously organized.  I finally had a thought and flung the doors to my balcony open and almost immediately found exactly what I was searching for _. There you are_ , I smirked.

I grabbed it and slung a leg over the railing, with a shaking hand; I lit up the end of my cigarette, and inhaled deeply. I never smoked inside my place. The smell clings to everything and leaves a horrible stench. I looked back inside my home and then back out at the big city.

I suppose to most, I was living the ideal life. I was as close to happy as I’d probably ever get. Changkyun lived with me, he was my half-brother. The day after being declared an adult, I had adopted him so I could properly take care of him. I didn’t keep him around to take pity on him or in hopes of making up anything to him. Hell, he was young when our worlds collapsed; I was almost thankful, but jealous that he didn’t remember. Changkyun was old enough to take care of himself, I knew that. I guess I had to know for a fact that he was safe. I didn’t show him affection or anything of the sort, but what could I really do? I didn’t exactly know how. I was an acclaimed Choreographer and Singer who anonymously rose to fame via Youtube, my face was pretty much unknown to the public. However, my money and accomplishments spoke for themselves. It was convenient for me, if I were to step onto the street, I was positive no one knew who I was. It was a convenient silent life style, but I knew nothing of affection and responsibilities. I did what I want, when I wanted, and no one told me otherwise.

Kihyun, my publicist and personal assistant, would occasionally bring up that maybe Changkyun should live with him. So, I could have more privacy. I wasn’t having any of that though. After much confliction and discussion; finally, Kihyun and I had made an agreement; we’d stay out of each other’s personal business and he’d never bring up that subject again. _Granny_ , the name I had given Kihyun since he’d become my personal assistant. He acted like what most would classify as a ‘mother figure’, he nagged, argued, fed, clothed, and always asked questions when he desperately had to. Most days, he’d just complain about his bones hurting, despite actually not being much older than him. Kihyun was a good person and an upstanding person in the business and entertainment world; he worked hard and put up with no shit, except mine, sometimes.

I looked out over my balcony from the building to the street below, watching all the people getting to where they needed to go and took another puff from my cigarette.  _Nighttime._  I absolutely loathed this time of the day. Much like many horrible things, it was long and boring as hell. I had my dancing, and sure, I could spend my hours with doing that, reading, and/or listening to music. But if I were being quite honest with myself, and I rarely ever am, the only thing I ever craved and wanted more than anything...

_Sleep._

The last time I could recall a good night’s sleep, was soo many years ago, I don’t even remember what it was like. Kihyun had worried at first, probably still does, but there was nothing he could do. It was my routine every single night. Rarely any sleep at all, though I made an attempt to. It was the dreams… the same fucking dreams… It wasn’t even worth trying to get any sleep anymore.

I mushed my cigarette and tossed it over the edge just as rain began to fall. I headed back inside the warmth of my room, it was a bit cluttered but I couldn’t be bothered to care. I tossed myself on my bed and grabbed a book; it was something that kept me awake almost as good as the amphetamines I had stashed away, which were almost nonexistent anymore. I’d always limited my stash to a small amount for obvious reasons. On occasions I’d go get drunk with my friend, Jooheon, but not often.

-

A couple of hours later, I’d closed the end of my book. I had finished my fourth book this week, it was only Wednesday. What to do now?

I drummed my fingers on the cover of my book.  _Schoolwork._

I groaned out loud.

Despite the worldwide success status I carried under my belt and all the accomplishments that entailed; I was still a normal human. I became what I was, but I had nothing else to do with the remainder of my time.

I had proposed an idea to Kihyun about college. I insisted on attending classes like a normal person, but that was a cover for me. Truth was, I needed a distraction. The silence in my home day after day was driving me insane.

Recently, I had been out of classes the past few weeks due to… _reasons_. I’d always gotten perfect grades in school. Especially here at university, where I could probably be teaching most of the classes, even in my half-awake state. I mean, come on, I did have over eight hours every night to study and work.

With that last thought, I had gotten started on a lengthy paper. Being sleep deprived made every task all the more difficult. Most people would never realize how important it is to both your mental and physical health. No one had known it better than myself. Before the incident all too long ago, I never had realized how much a night’s rest was so precious. My mother always sang or hummed me to sleep after putting me to bed. Obviously, this was all before she resented me. All before she sent me and my brother away and left us in the hands of social workers and awful run-down institutes.

She wouldn’t even look at me after everything that had happened. She couldn’t even bear to be in the same room as me. She never said goodbye. I wish I could’ve been upset with her, but really… I couldn’t.

I took the person she loved more than anything. Obviously, more than my brother and I.

Still, after twelve years, I could see everything clear in my head. I could remember everything as if it had happened yesterday. _The gun shots…the red pouring out all over the floor…the screams…the crying_. If I fell into a deep enough slumber, I could see it all so vividly, my step dad laying on the floor and yelling for a help that never arrived. I shook my head, willing away that train of thought.

The sun had slowly risen and began to show a new day, I closed all my textbooks and began preparing for my re-appearance at University.

I wore whatever I pleased, just because I had money didn’t mean anything. I threw on a plain t-shirt and jeans, and my usual high tops. I’d have preferred boots, but I already towered over most of the students there; I didn’t need any more looks. I probably looked like someone about to go off on someone, I’d been told I had an off look, by Jooheon, but I couldn’t find it in me to give a fuck. The only true reason I attended classes at this point was to hang out with Heon and occupy myself. Well, there was that and the fact that I had struck a deal with Kihyun, that if I maintained my ‘double life’ as he called it and still made progress in my careers, he’d try to get Changkyun into a company. The kid loved music more than anything, and I’d give him that much considering I didn’t do much else for him.

I always tried to dodge contact with Changkyun, it wasn’t out of hate or anything. I just had nothing to say and I’d spare ourselves all of the awkwardness, it wasn’t my thing.

I’d gotten out the door and outside to my car, my shiny toy. I let my finger slide over the hood until I reached the driver’s side. I drove to pick up Jooheon. He was waiting at the curb with squinty eyes and practically jumping up and down as I had just barely slowed down. Before I knew it, he had already jumped into the passenger seat.

Jooheon and I had been friends since I had moved out here to Seoul. He was the only friend I ever had, or needed here. We often had a silent relationship. We were always able to read each other through just looks and body language. No, it wasn’t a bromance or anything like that; it was just how we were. But even though Heon always had my back, and was always there to listen to my fucked up problems or help with my dancing or vocals, he was useless most of the time when he wasn’t attempting to be an underground rapper or nagging me for a feature. I internally rolled my eyes just thinking about his rapping. We’d been to so many underground clubs and been arrested on multiple occasions because the guy didn’t know what to shut his mouth. Despite everything, I couldn’t help but have the lonely feeling. He tried to understand, but really, how could he? When he asked why I was tired all the time, I told him the truth. I’d rather walk around looking like shit than experience dreams that brought my past back into sight.

Of course, he thought I was just crazy.

So, it was never brought up again.

-

When Jooheon spoke, I snapped out of my memories.

“Bro, It’s about time! Jackson has been bugging the shit out of me all morning about the party you’re throwing tonight,” he said while putting his seat belt on properly.

I huffed “The party that I’m throwing?! I never wanted to throw a party in the first place. I would’ve rather Changkyun call Kihyun and tell him about why I didn’t attend classes last week. But no... He wanted this party to happen just as much as you.” I stated while resting my head on the back of my seat as I looked over at him. “You’re coming, right?” I asked.

He snorted. “Because there isn’t anything better than going to a party with a bunch of idiots that have a combined I.Q. equal to my own.”

I chuckled. “Now, Heon, you are insulting your boyfriend as well, you know. You are not going to ever get the opportunity to bang Lee by insulting his intellect.”

“Minhyuk is going to be there?!” he asked, sounding disappointed.

I nodded and glanced at him.

“Fuck! I already told my parents I’d stay home for the weekend and help them out.” His frown grew long and he slumped down in his seat. He looked almost defeated and I had to roll my eyes.

Jooheon had been holding a flame for my neighbor and classmate ever since I’d known him. I was beginning to wonder if he’d ever grow the balls to talk to him. How fucking hard could it be? Whenever he saw him, I had to resist the urge to just call Minhyuk over and get it all over with. _Hey Lee, meet my friend Jooheon. _Could you do I and he a favor and just fuck his brains out so he can stop gaping at you like a lost puppy?__  I held in a chuckle at that very thought.

When we arrived at the school, I made it my good duty as a friend to park next to Lee’s car. I felt that it was the least I could do for Heon’s sorry ass. He was still in his car, apparently talking to someone in the passenger seat.

“Oh fuck!” Jooheon shot up from his seat and turned to look at me with a smile, practically jumping in his spot. “So, this new kid had a total freak out!!”

“New kid?” I asked with a bored tone. People were always in everyone’s business. I took note of a new student just now entering the term. With a yawn, I decided I could care less.

Heon rolled his eyes. “No, man. You are going to get a kick outta this. This particular new kid is Minhyuk’s cousin. Anyway, the new kid moved here from the states about a month or so ago and just started classes last week.”

I frowned. I had seen Minhyuk nearly every day and he hadn’t mentioned anything? I also found it strange that I’d never seen this kid. Hmm.. So, I had a crazy new neighbor and I didn’t even know? Suddenly, I was interested. It was almost interesting to be living in close range with a crazy person. I moved my hand in a gesture for him to continue and looked over at him. With a pleased smile, Jooheon sat back and continued on.

“Last Wednesday, one of the girls tried to flirt with him in one of the halls, and he just freaked out bro. He had some emotional breakdown or some bullshit. He started crying and shaking before he ran out the door. It was quite a scene. I would’ve thought it funny, but then a guy tried to help him up on Monday after he nearly fell down the stairs, but he did the same thing again,” Heon finished with a slight frown and snickered.

Just as Heon had finished, Lee and his passenger exit the car and started walking to the building. I couldn’t see the kid with the hood on, but I could just see black hair covering his eyes. I had presumed that to be the ‘coo-coo’ cousin, or 'New Kid.' He seemed to be dragging his feet while he walked toward the buildings.

I was about to ask Jooheonl more on the New Kid’s obvious mental instability, but his attention was on Lee’s ass. I just punched him as I sighed and got out the car to head to class.

 


	2. Party

**WONHO POV**

Peniel, who was also from the States like myself and Minhyuk's best friend, was being rather loud and exaggerating about the whole party. I had hoped he'd be quiet, but that was out of the question. All the students were staring at him, no, more like the three of us as we walked up to the school.

Shortly afterward, we were sitting around, waiting for class to start.

"This party is going to be so freaking awesome! I am so going to challenge I.M. to a Rap off. His parties are always huge events! I’m definitely going to put him to shame in front of everyone!" He stated with what I assumed was enthusiasm, but it really just came out as a huge scream.

This was one reason I didn’t want to go. A place full of drunk and loud people. The very thought alone was causing me to cringe.

"Hyuk," I simply mumbled. It came off as nearly silent, but with how attentive he was, I had known he heard me. So, he looked over at me with a concerned look.

"Hyuk, please don't force me into going. I'm a bit leery about the whole thing." I couldn't tell Minhyuk the truth, though he understood my situation. I was sure he'd just think I was crazy for having a 'bad feeling.' I also didn't need him to suspect anything of me, and to top it off the rumors were already going around about me. It was unsettling with the unnecessary attention. How rumors could go on in such a large university... That was beyond me.

I looked over at Minhyuk and Peniel. Minhyuk looked like he was going to let me off the hook, but then Peniel spoke up before Hyuk could say anything.

"Come on Seok, we'll have a good time. You've gotta come!" Peniel stated with a smile at me. I had only just moved here, but had already seen that he was a decent person. Peniel had a relaxing type of feel to him. However, trying to get your way out of something with this guy was a whole other story in itself. He was weird, spoke his mind quite often, and was very loud at times. I was also grateful that he never questioned the way that I was. He was just very understanding. And with all that said, I had guessed that those were all the reasons I'd never had any 'episodes' when he patted my shoulder or was too close in my personal space.

We were all silent for a while, and I had thought our little discussion was over. But when I looked over at them both, I knew I'd completely lost. Minhyuk was looking at me with pleading eyes. He looked like a little puppy. And Peniel was giving me a look, that no one could ever deny. When I really thought about it, I also felt I should at least attempt to show them both that I could have some sort of normalcy. A part of me hoped that maybe this would cause some of Minhyuk's worrying over me to go away for a while, but the bad feeling was still left hanging in the air.

"Fine, I'll go with you guys for a bit, but then I'm going straight home." I stated with a sigh and near annoyance.

Then a question occured to me...

"Hyuk, where is this party?" I asked, barely considering how far I'd be away from my home.

Minhyuk was busy swinging his feet off the ledge of the wall we were perched at. Peniel was busy fiddling with his phone when he answered for him, "It's going to be in our building."

I frowned. It was only across the way? I just shrugged to myself. At least I wouldn't be far from home, if I did decide not to stick around.

Minhyuk, the ever so bubbly guy, began his squealing and excitement. "Seok! We are going to have fun! I just know it!" I rolled my eyes and pushed off the wall. We began our journey toward our classes; I pulled my beanie down and my hood over that, attempting to have as little eye contact with people as possible. Reaching my designated class was the most stressful part about my academic schedule. Getting to my classes on time without having all sorts of people touching me? It was nearly impossible. On top of that, I had to now deal with the constant staring from people since my past couple of incidents. I did the best I could to ignore it though. As long as there was no eye contact or touching, I felt somewhat safe.

We were walking, I could feel my eyes stinging and my vision blurring a bit. I was completely exhausted and the day hours were just intensifying my sleepy state.

People were attempting to talk in hushed tones; I could hear my name tossed in their jumbled sentences. They’d never seen a person like me before, I suppose. I was focusing so hard on my numb state that I used during the school hours. I'd already had a handful of incidents, so I'm sure I'd already become the laughing stock to most people by now.

I guess Peniel noticed how tense I was or he heard the people around, but he leaned in close to me and I didn't flinch away. "No one is going to mess with you," he whispered and patted my shoulder.

I didn't respond. I just continued my walk, putting my head back down and dragging along. The exhaustion was rising up and things were become more and more of a blur to me.

By some miracle, I had survived all the way to my free period. It was fortunate for me that I was never alone around that time. By some miracle, my cousin and his best friend were on the same schedule as I was. So, we shared the same free period.

I had bought some things from the indoor cafeteria and quickly made my way outside to find Minhyuk in our usual spot. My whole trip to and from the cafeteria was interesting. I had realized I was avoided by everyone. It was shocking because this University was huge, but I guess gossip did go around faster than the wind around here. Was my 'case' really that big of a deal to these people? Was I entertainment for them? I wasn't bothering anyone. Simple fact was that I was relieved that everyone avoided me - it made things easier for me - and I almost wanted to smile. _Almost_. They continued on with their whispers and such, but I could handle all of that.

I never ate any of the food at University; I pulled out my lovely wrapped Bunny Gyoza and took my spot with Minhyuk and Peniel. Some girls were standing by Peniel, giggling as he showed them his smile. The females pretty much swooned over him. He was an incredible dancer, singer, and recently I had found out he was a talented rapper. What he was doing attending college, I wasn't really sure. He’d have been better off training in some big music company.

I said a quick "Hello" and nod before digging out my iPad. I kept all my gaming apps, books, music, and virtual notebook of scribble on it. I preferred not to deal with the hassle of carrying more around than necessary. Most of what interested me was on my computer at home; Music and words were the only thing that made things somewhat better. It kept me focused and my attention off my drowsiness.

Our little 'group' knew better than to try and include me in their conversation, which by now was all about the party. I just ate my gyoza and kept on reading. This was my college routine. And I wasn't really sure how I could continue to survive bullshit like this on an almost daily basis.

Free period was soon over; everyone getting up was what brought my attention back to reality. Apparently, I was in such a distance daze that I wasn’t even sure what I was writing. Shaking my head, I tossed my iPad into my book bag and headed to my 2nd to last class of the day. I enjoyed this class, mostly due to the fact that I had taken a very similar class back in the states, so I didn't really have to pay much attention. My desk was all the way in the back as well. It was perfect for trying to catch even a few minutes of snoozing. Mrs. Kang never said anything to me; she'd been made aware that I'd taken this course before, but she also didn't report that it was unnecessary of me to be here either.

I pulled my beanie and hood back on, my hair falling into my eyes; I didn't care. I headed to class with my head down. The exhaustion was overwhelming me, my eyelids were slowly dropping and my every step was becoming heavier despite my countless efforts to stay conscious. I mentally told myself that I needed to stay awake. I rubbed my eyes, attempting to delay the inevitable.

I reached my class and sat down, relaxing a bit. I knew I'd be able to catch at least a few minutes of sleep. I knew I was really pushing my luck with trying to stay up in my class, but I had a lot of work to do.

I felt safer falling asleep at Uni, where there was a constant noise. It was quiet but also loud enough to keep my conscience, on alert. I could never get into a deep enough sleep to have any dreams. I crossed my arms in front of me on the desk and rest my head on them. Everyone else began shuffling in and making their way to their seats. Slowly my eyes rested and I eased into unconsciousness.

 

\---

 

I'd have the same nightmare every time I fell asleep. It was the same one for the past 2 weeks. One where I would hide and try to keep quiet, but no matter what, ‘he’ always found me...

If I were being honest, those dreams weren’t fantasy or my fears. They were in fact my reality. I tried to block out so much, but I couldn't. My subconscious was far too aware of everything I attempted to forget.

I was awoken from my sleep, thank goodness, from falling off my seat. I could hear screaming and it took a second before I realized that it was myself that was letting out the god awful noise. I quickly close my mouth shut and my eyes snapped open. I was laying on the floor of one of my lecture rooms.

I felt the entire room staring at me. Who wouldn't, right? I was just lying there on the floor out of breath. The only noise that could be heard was me; I was breathing fast and gasping for air. My entire body was shaking and I didn't know what to do. I felt like just running for the door. Maybe I should ask to be excused? I slowly got myself back into my seat.

When I finally looked up, everyone's head quickly snapped to the front of the classroom. All except for Eunseo, who was just a couple of seats down in front. She was staring at me, mouth open in shock. I almost felt compelled to speak, but since when did any words work for me? I felt frozen; I was gripping my desk so hard. The very gesture was the only thing keeping me from just running out of the room... probably just from this entire place.

Finally, Mrs. Kang cleared her throat.

My eyes went directly to hers, silently pleading. For what? I couldn't say. She looked at me, I could see nothing but concern. Finally she spoke up. "Mr. Lee, do I need to excuse you for the day?" she asked quietly, my ears were straining nearly to make out what she had said.

Somehow, I managed to hear it though. Not really trusting my voice, I just nodded while I pried my hand from my desk and picked up my bag. I didn't look around; I didn't wait for any further dismissal or words. I just ran, bolting out of the room.

It wasn't until I reached outside, I leaned against a wall and just collapsed. I was hyperventilating and on the verge of tears. I had to calm myself down, taking in deep and steady breaths. I sat there for what seemed like forever, replaying what just happened back there. The hope I had of getting through this all completely unnoticed, just flew out the fucking window. I couldn't escape. I was a walking mess.

I probably should've waited for Minhyuk, but I couldn't. There was no way in hell I was going to my last class. There was also no way I was sticking around campus.

I pushed myself back to my feet and slowly made the long walk home. Hoping that would give me time calm myself and think.

 

-

 

 

**SHOWNU POV**

Most of the day went by in a blur, as usual. It wasn't until free period that I.M. and Jooheon pointed out the strange kid from across the lawn. When I looked over he was sitting next to Minhyuk; he looked almost normal. I almost thought Heon was bullshitting about the events involving that kid. I shrugged, I didn't know what else to do.  
  
It wasn't until I reached my second to last course of the day that I caught sight of that kid again. He was in my seat. I knew this kid was new because no one EVER sat in my seat. People that passed me or sat near me were very intimidated by me, why? I had no idea. Perhaps I gave off a harsh demeanor? I knew I wasn’t the friendliest of people, but I wasn’t the worst.

Frankly, I didn't want to appear childish, though I would have loved to be. Already annoyed, I just sat somewhere else. I slumped down into a seat a couple of rows toward the front. Dozens of eyes were staring and watching me as if waiting for me to actually do something to make the kid move. It didn't change the fact that I kept finding any little reason to turn to ‘sleeping beauty’ over there and stare daggers at his hoodie.  
  
Professor Kang wanted us to pair up on a paper for class today and since I scared the shit out of most people, I had no partner. So, who’d like to guess what person I was stuck with? Yeah, _seat stealer_ over there. How could I even work on an assignment with someone who was sleeping? I didn't fuss about it no matter how much I wanted to. I honestly could, but that would be a waste. So, I sat next to the kid. _Must be real fucking nice_... My thoughts were so venomous. I was jealous, I wanted to pull his hood back and shake him, anything to wake him up, but I didn't. I should've just told our Professor that I wasn’t okay with this, but I didn't.

I looked over at the sleeping form. His head was face down, his hoodie clearly shielding him. I watched as his breathing was steady and slow. I lazily blinked and stared at his hunched over form. Sleep felt like such a foreign thing to me. I felt myself questioning what it was like to be in a sleep like this kid was.

I felt almost bad to disturb the kid from something that was peaceful and clearly unreachable for me, and that was sleep.  
  
I sighed heavily while swallowing my envy and worked on the paper, alone. I really hoped he would be happy with the free grade he'd be receiving. And because I am such a fucking genius, I completed it within 15 minutes. I instantly regretted that. I had nothing more to keep my attention up, nothing to keep me from shutting my eyes. My eyes slowly slid to the back of my head, my head falling back which I had to continuously snap back forward. _THIS ASSHOLE_. I could see this kid’s breathing through his sweater, his whole body rising and falling in a slow, steady, and repetitive pace.  
  
I shook my head and decided that I couldn't take it any longer. I stood up and went to our instructor’s desk, she had her glasses on and was otherwise occupied.  
  
"Our assignment is complete, may I leave now?" I asked as politely as I could muster up, even doing my best to give a convincing smile. I hoped my words weren't coming out as a slur. She was about to say something, but I quickly added "I am working for two, after all." I snapped my head to the direction of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ and held onto my smile. It hurt to keep it up.  
  
Finally, our professor nodded. She was allowing that kid's behavior for reasons unknown to me, so she wouldn't chance getting in trouble if I reported this. Yeah, I could be an asshole when I felt like it. With a smirk, I gathered up my shit. As I was doing so, I could hear quiet whimpering from my ‘partner’. I looked over and he was kind of shaking, his small body was timid looking even above his sweater. I stared on and debated with myself on whether I should wake him up or not, but I decided against it. _Take That_.  
  
With that last thought, I got up and left the room. Just as the door came to a closing, I heard it. I heard the kid’s screeching. Bad dreams, I guess. I continued my walk to my car.

   
\--------------

  
Later that evening, Kihyun stopped by; the ever so protective, guardian. He was here to go over the progress I’d made on some of my work before he went away for a week or so. It was partially an excuse, he just felt the need to make sure shit was under control between I.M. and I before he left.  
  
"I'll be leaving you both for a week and a half. Please, please clean up keep this place clean and make sure to call if anything goes on in my absence." Kihyun was busy punching letters into his iPhone and running around like a maniac. He looked as if he were looking for something. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought we were related.  
  
"Aww, don’t worry, me and bro here can handle ourselves." I.M. spoke as he swung his feet off one of my stools in the kitchen area.  
  
"I’m your guardian, I have to worry" Kihyun looked up from his phone to stare at I.M.. He sure as fuck took care of us just like a mom though. I guessed, he felt the need to make it clear to make us less uncomfortable. I.M. smirked, nodded, and put his head down, not saying another word. Kihyun had a meeting across the Pacific Ocean, in the U.S., to be exact. There was talks on some really huge opportunities for me. I found it a bit foolish, but Kihyun said it would be beneficial for everyone. I almost felt bad that he had to handle everything. But it was his job, I told myself.  
  
Kihyun was shaking his head as if having a silent conversation with himself and sighed out loud. "Please, Hyunwoo, look after your brother." he looked me in the eye as he spoke.  
  
I nodded and smirked, "I always do, Gramps."  
  
He hated when I called him that. But still, as I spoke, he smiled. With that said, he looked us over once more, but furrowed his eyebrows and frowned when he caught sight of me again.  
  
"Hyunwoo, you haven't been sleeping, have you?" He questioned. I just groaned, avoiding eye contact all together.  
  
Kihyun was one other person I let into our past. I felt the urge one day to confide in him, our past that was the one day I ever let my guard down. I broke down completely in front of him. It was the hardest I'd cried in years. He didn't judge me for my choices or what I had done. He only gave me the comfort that I allowed him to give because I knew he wasn't doing it out of pity. He let me get it all out that day. And the next day, it was as if nothing ever happened. I was grateful for that.  
  
"I slept last night. Just not enough, that's all. Plus, it's been a really long day." It wasn't a complete lie. He looked at me, I could feel his burning stare, but finally, he sighed out, clearly defeated and nodded.  
  
"Make it an early one tonight. _Both of you_." He looked between I.M. and myself. I chuckled while shaking my head as Kihyun left the apartment. I shortly made my way to my favorite spot, the balcony, to prepare for my long night.

 

\---

Side Note;

Ms. Kang / Professor Kang – It’s Soyou ;)


	3. Party Time & Comfort

**WONHO POV**

By the time I got home, Minhyuk was already in my apartment waiting for me. When I unlocked the door, I was instantly attacked by him. It was startling.

"Hoseok! Where have you been?! I've been worried! I was about to call Papa. What happened?! You weren't waiting for me after classes." he was going on and on, I just kept my head down as I pulled off my bag and shoes.

"I left early," I muttered.

"Oh. Well, okay. Is everything alright?" He looked at me concerned, I knew that look too well. I just nodded.

He then began to talk about some guy that he had a major crush on at campus. Jooheon was the fella’s name. Minhyuk was pretty much his stalker, but he never once had the nerve to talk to the guy. I never judged Hyuk's sexuality, not in the least. If you like someone then it shouldn't matter about their gender.

"Oh god, I saw him today. It was embarrassing! My hair was a mess! I felt like a moron." Minhyuk stated in the most dramatic way. I heard these ridiculous things every day. Frankly, I think he was picking little things to avoid having to talk to the guy. I rolled my eyes.

"I have to make sure I look good tonight for the party. I have to look perfect for him...” His blabbing was going on. I groaned when I thought about the party. Could I really go to that after what happened? There was absolutely no way I could accomplish the social interaction. I attempted to push it to the back of my mind; there wasn't any way that Minhyuk was letting me off the hook now.

Minhyuk dragging me over to Uncle's and his place. Uncle wasn't home - no surprise there - he hardly was. I had an amusing thought, what if Jooheon didn't even go to this party that Minhyuk was desperately preparing for. Of course, I wouldn't dare to say anything to Hyuk. Poor guy, I wouldn't crush his hopes.

"Umm...Seok?" Minhyuk asked as he tried on various things, "What do you plan to...you know...wear?" He tried to ask.

"I'm wearing what I have on." I mumbled while I looked at my all black clothing. It was what I was most comfortable in and unlike Hyuk, I had no one to impress. Thankfully, he didn't press any further.

It was getting later and Minhyuk was finally ready. His hair was messily tussled and pulled forward, his base makeup was to perfection, and his outfit was something else. He honestly belonged in a k-pop video; it looked of quality and trend. The pattern and vest worked for him. I just nodded and pulled my hood on. We left the apartment to enter the elevator. Minhyuk pushed the button to go up.

In all honesty, I didn't know much about Minhyuk's neighbors. Only that the place where the party was being held, belonged to Jooheon's best friend. At least that's what I think I heard in one of the many conversations with Peniel and Minhyuk. I never heard more due to Minhyuk simply going all rant and raving from just saying the guy’s name. I wanted to find this Jooheon guy and beg for him to just talk to Minhyuk. Please just end both of our misery.

The ring from the elevator went off and we exited through the doors. Minhyuk had this huge smile and looked as giddy as ever, bouncing up and down. We could hear music just outside the large double doors. Minhyuk turned to me and I looked over at him.

"Before we go in, can I put eyeliner on you?" Minhyuk asked. His question startled me and had completely thrown me off.

"W-What? Why? No." I shook my head.

"Come on Seok, you'd look so good with it. Pretty please? I'll never ask anything of you ever again!" Hyuk was jumping up and down, pleading with his hands clasped. As I knew better, there wasn't any arguing with this guy. With a wave of my hand, I gestured for him to just do it and get it over with. It wasn't like anyone was going to see my face anyway.

An after a few minutes he was finally done ‘clowning’ me up.

"There!" Minhyuk backed away from me. "Hey, you look really dangerous and hot" Minhyuk stated while I rolled my eyes. That was the last thing I needed right now. He then started trying to fix my hair until I slapped his hands away. He huffed, but gave up none the less.

Finally, Minhyuk knocked on the door. We were instantly surprised to see the door opened by someone unknown. We entered anyway, I gazed around and people were up against the walls of the foyer, just making out like it was the thing to be doing. We scooted past all the make-out sessions going on, which by now looked as if it were nearing second base. We reached the living room and the music was extremely loud, people everywhere. I instinctively turn around, until I heard my name.

"Hoseok!!" I turned around and I could see a girl waving like a maniac. I looked at her; she seemed familiar. It wasn't until she was getting closer to me that I remembered it was Eunseo from my lecture, the one that was just staring at me after I had made a fool of myself. I could see her sort of stumbling and I really did not want to be near that right now. My first instinct was to go back out the door I had come from, but when I looked back it was clearly blocked by the horny groups. I looked around and spotted a door at the other side of the big apartment and a staircase. I contemplated before opting for the door.

Eunseo's voice could still be heard, clearly calling my name, so I swiftly moved and slipped out the door, closing it gently. When I swung around that scared the shit out of me; I was really high up and the only thing keeping me here was the cement balcony. I was about to turn back around when I could hear Eunseo again.

"Wonho!! Where are you?!?!?!" She was sort of yelling. It also was coming out as a slur. Oh great, she was drunk. I noticed the door knob turning, so I quickly hid in the shadow. Her head peaked out looking the opposite way.

And it wasn't until she spoke again did I realize there was another figure at the other side of the balcony.

"Oh! Hey Shownu, have you seen a kid with black hair, fairly pale?" She asked the figure.

"What am I? A babysitter? No, I haven't seen any such person. Go away." the person's words came off a bit harsh and rude. They waved their hand off as if dismissing Eunseo.

"Also Eunseo..." he said as she paid attention to him, "Stop drinking and go home."

"Asshole," she said as she closed the door.

I let out a sigh of relief and came out from the shadows. I approached the door cautiously.

When I still could hear Eunseo's yelling on the other side of the door, I let out a deep sigh, and closed my eyes while hitting my head against the door. How irritating, I just got here. What did she want with me anyway? It isn't as if she knew me either.

It was then, that someone to my right cleared their throat. I jumped around and hit my back against the door, making a surprised squeaking sound and instinctively brought my hand up to my mouth. How could I have forgotten about that person so quickly?

There, sitting on the ledge of the balcony, one leg hanging off the edge, the other was propped up and he was leaning up against the wall of the building. I noticed a sort of light go up to what I presumed to be his mouth. I instantly smelled the smoke and knew it was a cigarette.

"So, I take it you're the one she was looking for?" the figure spoke, his voice was deep. It startled me completely and I jumped a bit. I looked over toward him, but I couldn't see who it was. I couldn't find any words to speak so I just simply nodded and put my head down. We were both just kind of there, basking in the awkward air.

"Hiding from Eunseo... You can run, but you can never hide." He chuckled darkly.

I just nodded again. I was trying to think of what else I could do, but nothing came to mind. I was stuck between going through the door to the drunken person on the other side or take my chances with the stranger here. With not a moment’s thought, I decided the latter was going to have to work.

"E-Excuse me, umm..." I sort of struggled with my words, "W-Would it be okay if I stayed out here for a while until she leaves?" I asked rather quietly, staring at the figure with a shadowed face. I could feel him staring at me.

After what seemed like eternity, he sighed out loud. "Ugh, I guess," he said defeated and I nodded my head. I walked over to the edge and looked down at the scenery. I could see my apartment down and across the way. And when I looked further down the street, I could easily spot the bakery I worked at. The view and the crisp air were chilling and beautiful all at once.

"So, do you have a name?" The guy’s voice broke me of my exploring. I turned around, leaning my back against the cement railing. I tried to see the figure a little more, but it was a fail.

"I-I'm Lee Hoseok," I answered so quietly. Did he even hear me? I wondered, but I knew he did when I seen him nodding his head. I waited for him to respond with his name, but found that he didn't. "W-what about yours?" I asked as I pulled at the threads on my sweater.

"Son Hyunwoo, but just call me Shownu," He answered me straight forwardly.

 

\-------

 

**SHOWNU POV**

Finally, after deciding that my cigarette was no longer interesting to look at. I sighed, slid off the ledge and stepped closer to the light. This slender kid was just standing there with his head down like the floor was the most interesting thing.

His black hair was short, but long enough to cover his eyes. The hoodie he was fumbling with looked familiar, I quickly realized that this was the kid that was sitting in my seat in class. Another heavy sigh came from within. I was definitely childish, but this kid took my seat and for some reason it just really bothered me.

Looking him over, it didn't go unnoticed to me that he had on the same clothes that he had worn to classes today. Whereas everyone here at this ridiculous party was primed in their best clothing.

I moved closer to where he stood. I suppose he heard me moving closer because his head snapped up quickly. And through the dim light that was pushing through the curtains, I could see that this kids’ eyes were covered with black make-up. Despite the dark color, I could see he had heavy bags under his eyes, whether he was sleep deprived or those were natural, I was unsure. It didn’t go unnoticed that he had distinct shadows under his eyes. Looking into his eyes in that moment, I could see the exhaustion - fuck, if he didn't look exactly like I was feeling right now. In the moment, it felt like slow motion, I felt as if we stared at one another for the longest time. In real time, it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds but before I knew it, he had just bent his head back down.

"Sit down if you’d like," I said, while pointing with my cigarette at the patio chair. He looked up at me once more before following my gesture. He looked between me and the chair before slowly making his way to it. When he sat down, he pulled his legs up on the chair and was cradling them. _This kid._

"Ah fuck, can you not put your filthy ass shoes all over my furnishings?" I snapped. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but fuck, if that wasn’t rude of him to do. It wasn't until he got back up and was wiping whatever dirt was on there with the sleeve of his sweater, that I felt bad.

"I'm s-s-sorry!" He apologized, and I suppose he decided that it was much safer to just stand up and fiddle with his sleeves. I felt a bit of guilt for snapping at him in the first fucking place.

"Don't worry about it. It’s fine," I let out a loud sigh and pushed my hair back. "Just sit back down."

Inspecting the chair once more. He finally sat back down, feet flat on the floor this time around. Despite his size, he looked rather timid sitting in that chair.

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours and it wasn't until the cold air began blowing hard outside and the kid pulled his hoodie up, that I finally spoke up.

I went for the door and opened it; sure enough all of these drunk ass idiots were still here. I looked around for Eunseo, the drunk; she was over in the kitchen area. I looked from outside at the kid to the drunks, and with a defeated sigh, I slipped back out the door and talked to the kid.

"Hey look, it's getting really cold out here and everyone is still here, including the drunkard female that was looking for you. So, if you want, I can try to sneak you upstairs to the rooms. At least you'd keep warm and I will be able to get some work done." I pulled a new cigarette to my lips after I let the last words slip.

It didn't go unnoticed that the kid was fidgeting with his sleeves..again. My best guess was he was contemplating to go upstairs with me or not. After a few moments though, he had finally nodded and stood up.

I opened the door and could feel the dark haired kid close to me. When I turned around it startled me at how close he was. I didn't question it though; I just turned my cigarette out.

“Here’s what you’re gonna do; Follow me through the crowd. You’re going to go to the top of the stairs, make a left and go all the way down into the last room on the left hand side. If anyone tries to stop tell you anything, just ignore them. Okay?”

He nodded quickly and we followed the plan. I walked him through the crowd and to the stairs, he quickly ran up and across the balcony area until he disappeared.

I pulled at my hair and went to go grab a drink.  I swallowed it down in one go. Why was I being nice? Why was I inviting people into my room? I never invited anyone, including the females I’d been with. Ignoring all of the drunken conversations, there seemed to be a crowd in the middle of my large living room circling around something going on. I could hear the names I.M. and Peniel being shouted from random mouths. I had no clue what was going on and I had no desire to find out at this point, but I would be giving ‘I.M.’ a mouth full tomorrow for all this bullshit.

I reached my bedroom door and pushed it open. To my surprise, this Hoseok kid was just standing there by the door. Well, he pulled his hood down again atleast.

His question sort of threw me off. "You live here? T-This is your home?" he asked.

Was he really asking this? Did he go up to random strangers rooms all the time without question or what? I kept my words to myself and only nodded. And he didn't question any further than that.

"Kid, you can go sit down on the couch over there," I pointed at the large royal chaise sofa in the corner with all my books and CDs. I grabbed my laptop from my large bed and went over to my desk by the sofa. Clearly I was a sloppy ass person, I had post-it notes, pieces of papers scattered everywhere. I looked over, I didn't intentionally plan to sit by him, but I really did need to get work done.

Quickly starting up my computer, I had begun typing furiously on it. I had paid him no mind until he had finally decided that it was 'safe' to sit down again. I took note that he sat at the far end away from me, which was again, fine by me. My typing began again, but slowly my attention went back to him. His posture was straight up, feet flat on the ground, and his attention was completely on the shelves of books. _Hmm...Maybe he liked to read or listen to music?_

"Do you like listening to music?" I asked aloud, surprising even myself.

His head snapped to me and he nodded furiously. His black makeup was really bugging me. Was he one of those Emo-Punker kids or what? Pushing my judging aside, I sort of inwardly chuckled at his nodding. "Pick one off the shelf and pop it in the player," I pointed at all the shelves or CDs. His eyes went wide, and he quickly stood up and looked over all the jewel cases, eyes roaming over all the albums I owned. Kihyun could not believe I'd rather spend my money on music, but it was my passion. Hell, I became what I am today because of it. Of course, my collection went beyond just a single genre. I had various genres and languages.

Hoseok's fingers were roaming over the spines of the albums. Finally, he had stopped and turned back towards me. "Are you sure it's okay?" He asked fairly quietly. I nodded and rolled my eyes; I did tell him to pick one. He took the jewel case, I assumed, because he finally walked over to my expensive monster looking stereo and examined it very carefully, before hitting a couple of buttons and letting the disc drive pop open. I took note to be grateful for that. The music played mellow and steadily as he drug his feet back to the sofa and eased back into it. We fell into a comfortable silence for a long time. I could only hear the music downstairs a bit, my fingers tapping away at the keyboard, and every once in a while I'd hear Hoseok turning the pages of a book, I presumed he grabbed.

I'd gotten so caught up and inspired to finish notes for my next projects that I hardly noticed hours had passed. I completely forgot about the kid. I looked over and he looked more relaxed than when he first sat down in my room. He looked peaceful reading that book, but he also looked completely exhausted.

"Umm... y'know," I began, finally turning in my chair too look at him. When I regained his attention, we held eye contact and I continued on, "I'm pretty sure Eunseo has either left with someone or she could very much be passed out and cuddling with a toilet about now." I chuckled, I was cruel.

"Probably," He said, then, I think something clicked, "Oh! You..." He shut up and closed the book as he stood up quickly. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to keep you up or be rude." He said as he went to place the book back were he'd gotten it from.

"No, it’s not that. I don't mind, it's just...” I said, but frowned. Why the fuck didn't I mind? I shook my head, but continued on. "Just that you look exhausted. Maybe you should get home and rest," I said as nicely as I could muster up.

He let out a humorless dark chuckle. "Yeah, right. Go home and get some rest," his words came out in a sarcastic tone. I quirked my brow at him, urging him to respond to why he said that. He just shook his head.

"I...umm...well, I-I hardly sleep," He spoke and I'm sure I had a retarded look on my face because he added more words "I mean, I work the third shift at work. I try not to sleep. I have bad nightmares," He added in.

It didn't surprise me that he hardly slept. I could see it plainly in his face. It sort of explained things; the tired look he had, the sleeping in class, and probably the screaming I heard after I had left the classroom. He didn't sleep either, just like me.

"You don't sleep either huh? You try to stay up?" I asked with astonishment and curiosity. He looked at me; it was a look of confusion.

"What do you mean 'either'? You don't sleep?" He asked.

Other than Kihyun and Jooheon, I never told anyone about my sleeping issues. But since this kid was in a similar situation, I figured why not. I slowly nodded my head and held his eyes with my own.

"Do you have bad dreams, too?" He asked. I chuckled, what were we five? Bad Dreams.

"If you feel comfortable with that term. Yes, bad dreams." I answered and felt like gritting my teeth.

His face softened a bit. He looked a bit more relaxed, maybe relieved? So he knew what I was talking about? We stood there in silence for a few minutes, staring at one another, knowing what each of us had to go through just to accomplish the difficulty of staying awake. Most days, it was easy to stay awake for me, my mind was always going on and on that I was thankful it kept me up. On the days where my body was exhausted though, I had to find new ways to keep myself from dozing off. I suddenly had a question...

"How do you keep yourself up?" I asked with curiosity as I crossed my legs in my desk chair.

"Coffee, sweets, cooking, homework, reading, music..." He listed and shrugged. "When I can, I try to get some rest a bit here and there at school because it's difficult to fall into a deep sleep there." He said, but shook his head quickly. "But now, I don't think I'll even be doing that again," He broke our eye contact and turned to look at the shelves again.

I felt bad in a way; I could've woken the kid up and spared him of the incident. If his 'bad dreams' were anything close to my own, he had probably woken up in a complete state of panic and fear. I really felt bad now.

"What about you?" He asked, turning back around to me.

I leaned back in my chair, pushing my fingers through my hair. "Well, I pop a few pills from time to time. Y'know ones that keep you up and lively?"

He looked a bit uneasy at the mention of my taking of drugs.

"Or, most nights, I work. If I'm working pretty intensely, it keeps me awake... completely focused and all," I felt like I needed to add that in. I really didn't want him to think I was a drug addict. But really, this kid stayed up off coffee and sweets? How the fuck was that even possible?

He turned to look at the door and back toward me; he looked as if he was hesitating. "I should go now. Minhyuk will probably start to worry, but thank you for hiding me from Eunseo." He bowed and managed to muster up a smile, his eyes slit small, and he didn't look so bad with a different expression on his face.

I just nodded and met his smile with one of my own. Lee Hoseok, this kid didn't seem as awful as I had thought. He turned and began making his way to the door and I thought my next remark through before saying it aloud.

"Hey kid!" I called him.

He turned and tilted his head with a questioning expression.

"You know down the road, where the street splits?" I asked.

Hoseok nodded and so I continued on. "Well there’s a ramen shop right at the corner of the split. Its open 24 hours. I like to go there sometimes, they have pretty good ramyun and gyoza. You should go there sometime. "I paused, and thought of how I could say the next words without sounding creepy. "Perhaps I'll see you there one of these nights," I finished, rubbing the back of my neck and breaking my gaze a bit before looking back at him.

Hoseok's eyes held a spark in them and he nodded, smiling a bit, before he opened the door. I turned back around to my desk and was about to begin my writing again, when I heard him call my name.

"Umm...S-Shownu," He stuttered out my name, but I turned back around never the less. "I..um..I actually..” His pale cheeks grew a tint of pink before he completed his sentence. "I work there...umm...I am the one that cooks the gyoza that are sold there."

I was a bit taken back. Well fuck, I'd never seen the kid before. I shrugged though at his sentence. "Well, I guess, I'll see you around." I nodded for the countless time. And he finally exited my room.

Well, I guess I'd go to see if I spot the kid tomorrow. Would he get fired if I went to talk with him? I was sort of interested in finding out more about Hoseok. It felt like a sort of comfort to know that I wasn't completely alone.

 

\-----------

 

**WONHO POV**

I could easily see that this guy was tall by his length when he was sitting on the ledge, but when he stood up, for some reason I felt a bit of fear; maybe that he could over power me if he'd like, but I had to remember not everyone was bad. I had kept my head down, but I was staring at him through my fringe. Out of a nervous habit of mine, I started messing with the sleeves of my sweater and deciding they were more interesting to look at.

I had gotten lost in my thoughts and messing with the strings on my sleeve that when I heard him approach me, my head shot up toward him. We had made eye contact. I felt the strong urge to turn away, but the light that shed through the doors from inside, I could see his face. Shownu's eyes looked about as awful as my own; dark circles and completely lifeless. It felt like we were staring at each other for too long so I just looked down at the ground.

He finally told me to sit down. This guy really liked to smoke, I assumed. I drug my feet to the chair and by instinct I had sat in a fetal position, my knees held close to my chest. I felt if I didn't hold onto something, that I might run away. I wanted to feel almost normal even for a bit; I could handle this. I had to mentally tell myself this, but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard him cursing about my shoes being on the chair.

And because he was talking the way he was it sort of scared me, so I quickly began to wipe the dirt off with my sleeve.

"I'm s-s-sorry!" I apologized, but why was I stuttering so much? Did I really ever stutter that much before? I didn't want to be spoken to like that again, so I just stood there, away from the chair.

I suppose he felt bad because he sighed loudly and pulled his hair back, whilst telling me not to worry about it and to sit back down. I stared at the chair for a bit and sat back down, figuring I better sit the right way. I left my feet flat on the ground.

We just sat there for a while. I didn't feel awkward about not talking, but I had hoped he would've said something to me. I couldn't really say anything because it went both ways, right? The cold air began blowing hard; it felt kind of nice because it was waking my nervous up from the sleepy state they were in. The air soon felt like too much so I had pulled my hoodie up and relaxed a bit, closing my eyes a bit. I hadn't taken notice that the guy had gotten up until he started speaking.

"...really cold out here and everyone is still here, including the drunkard female that was looking for you. So, if you want, I can try to sneak you upstairs to the rooms. At least you'd keep warm and I will be able to get some work done." He put another cigarette to his mouth after he had finished.

I contemplated for a moment on what I should do. Was it safe to go upstairs with someone I don't know? _Grow up Hoseok_ ; he hasn't tried anything out here. It'll be fine. I finally nodded and stood up to follow him. I was standing close behind, he smelled really good. Was it creepy on my part to sniff people?

He told me where to go and that if anyone tried to stop me to just ignore it. I nodded and followed behind him. I was grateful that he was moving everyone out of the way until we reached the stairs; he pointed to them and I ran up quickly to where I was told. I reached the door, but paused. I felt like an intruder. No, I was told it was okay.

I opened the door; the room was elegant, yet plain. Did that make sense? Straight ahead from the door there was a very huge bed, it looked fluffy despite the fact that it was all messy. I pulled my hoodie back and looked to my right and was awe struck by the built in bookcase that stretched across the whole wall, there were two wide set windows in between and a computer desk in front of one of the windows closest to me. Next to the desk and in front of part of the shelves was a soft looking couch. I closed the door and saw that the books and CDs wrapped around the wall where the door was and just stopped. Holy shit! Was this seriously this guys' room? This was a shit load of a collection. I felt a bit weird to touch anything, so I just stood there and waited.

It hadn't taken long before I heard the door open and close. I felt the need to confirm something so I just went for it and asked. "You live here? T-This is your home?" I asked and mentally smacked myself for the stuttering. Shownu nodded and that was the end of that.

"Kid, you can go sit down on the couch over there." I peaked at him through my hair; he was pointing at the couch as he walked to his bed to grab his laptop. I finally dragged my feet to the couch as he hit the keys at a fierce speed. Deciding that it was a good idea not to sit close to him, I sat at the far end and properly; It hurt. I was so adjusted to my slouching. I peeked up at all the shelves; I did recognize many titles and artists that were there on the nearest shelves. I also noted that this guy's parents had to have major cash to buy him first editions.

"Do you like listening to music?" His strong voice hit my ears. I turned to him and nodded. His expression looked kind of like he was irritated? "Pick one off the shelf and pop it in the player." My eyes felt like they'd pop out of my head, hearing that. These beautiful first editions, I could touch them? I stood up and let my fingers linger over them all. I could only hope to have a collection as massive as this one day. I stopped when I came across an album I hadn’t heard in year. I turned back to Shownu. "Are you sure it's okay?" I asked. There it goes again, he looked irritated. I grabbed the jewel case, hugging it to my chest and walking over to the scary looking stereo system. This system had to be expensive and I did not want to be the one to break it. Ever so carefully, I examined the buttons and finally tapped on a few.

I had eased back into the sofa and looked around for a bit before my eyes fell on Shownu for some time. He was really concentrated on whatever it was he was working on because he hadn’t even looked up when I grabbed a book from a nearby self and began reading it.

Time had flown by so quickly because before I knew it, I was more than half way through the book. Shownu had spoken up and I looked at him, making absolute dead on eye contact as he continued, "I'm pretty sure Eunseo has either left with someone or she could very much be passed out and cuddling with a toilet about now." He had chuckled, this guy was cruel.

"Probably," I said and was about to continue on, until it occurred to me that he might want to go to bed. "Oh! you..." I stopped mid-sentence and close the book, getting up to go place it back where I had taken it from. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to keep you up or be rude." I said.

"No, it’s not that. I don't mind, it's just..." His voice sounded a bit softer, without any irritation. He looked like he was having an internal debate, but he went on. "Just that you look exhausted. Maybe you should get home and rest," he said equally soft, and almost genuine.

I let out a chuckle that held no humor. "Yeah, right. Go home and get some rest," I shook my head. When I had looked back toward him, he had his eyebrow quirked up at me. It was questioning me, I assumed. I finally shook my head

"I...umm...well, I hardly sleep," I said, he sort of had an idiotic expression, so I finished. "I mean, I work the third shift at work. And I try not to sleep. I have bad nightmares."

We both stayed quiet for a moment or two.

"You don't sleep either huh? You try to stay up?" he asked amazed. I looked at him with clear confusion written on my face.

"What do you mean by 'either'? You don't sleep?" I asked, and blinked with surprise. I could see hesitation, until he finally looked me in the eye and nodded slowly.

"Do you have bad dreams too?" I asked. He chuckled. I was at a loss for why he was laughing.

"If you feel comfortable with that term. Yes, bad dreams." There was that irritation again.

Despite his irritation, I slumped my shoulders. I felt like I was holding my breath or something. I just felt completely at ease. Perhaps it was because another person knew what it was like to feel this way. Of course, I wished none of what I go through on anyone. But, I felt less alone in the world. Almost as though a weight was lifted.

"How do you keep yourself up?" Shownu questioned, curiously.

"Coffee, sweets, baking, homework, reading, music..." I went down the list and just shrugged. "When I can, I try to get some rest a bit here and there at school, because it's difficult to fall into a deep sleep there." I said, but I was reminded about what had happened earlier. I shook my head trying to erase the memory. "But now, I don't think I'll even be doing that again," I broke our eye contact and decided the books on his shelves were better to look at.

I was curious to his methods as well. So, I found the courage to ask.

"What about you?" I asked as I turned back to him.

He brushed his hands through his hair, I think maybe he was questioning whether to answer or not. "Well, I pop a few pills from time to time. Y'know ones that keep you up and lively?"

Whoa! He was a druggy? Well, I knew we all couldn't be perfect. Still though, drug use was not the way.

"Or, most nights, I work. If I'm working pretty intensely, it keeps me awake. Completely focused and all," He added in and I felt less tense. We were holding a conversation, but I felt I'd better leave now. I had to prepare for work and such. I wanted to leave, but at the same time I didn't. Did that make sense? I was finally having a full conversation with someone and nothing was going wrong. I contemplated this guy and the door, looking at both.

"I should go now. Minhyuk will probably start to worry, but thank you for hiding me from Eunseo." I decided it was best to take my leave; Bowing and doing my best to give a smile. I hope it didn't come out to forced. I was trying to be genuine. He nodded and pulled up a smile as well - shit, I hoped mine didn't look as awful as his. I turned to take my leave toward the door.

"Hey kid!" He called out to me and I turned to him with a questioning look.

"You know down the road, where the street splits?" He asked. Where the bakery was in the middle.

I nodded for him to continue on. "Well, there is a ramen shop right at the corner of the split. Its open 24 hours. I like to go there sometimes, they have pretty good ramyun and grooza. You should go there sometime." he was referring to my shop that I work at and was complimenting my food. "Perhaps I'll see you there one of these nights," he finished and looked a bit nervous or something, because he was rubbing the back of his neck and looking away for a moment; until he decided to stare back at me.

I smiled a bit with amusement, but nodded. I headed for the door, opening it and stopping mid-exit. "Umm... S-Shownu," I said, I need to get this stutter under control. "I..um..I actually..”," I felt confident saying it, but my cheeks felt really warm. "I work there...umm... I am the one that cooks the gyoza that are sold there."

He hadn't said anything. I thought about just leaving, but he shrugged and spoke on; "Well, I guess, I'll see you around." He nodded and with that I left the room.

I walked out of Shownu’s room and toward the stairs. People were passed out everywhere. I looked around trying to see if I found Minhyuk amongst the drunken people. I checked the bathroom and Eunseo definitely was hugging the toilet with her head resting on the seat. I chuckled because it was as predicted. Making my way to the front door, I slipped out.

I made my way out the building and across the street to my apartment. The crisp air felt good and physically, I felt a bit lighter. The night had gone a bit better than expected. Shownu, though he looked scary, his words were harsh at some moments, and he looked irritable, I felt like knowing more about him. It made me feel uneasy knowing about his use of drugs, but that really was none of my business what so ever. I knew better than anyone that it was a mission to stay up.

When I reached my door I sort of froze, though. I didn’t leave a light on in my apartment- it would be completely dark. The fear in me started to build up; my hands were shaking as I inserted my key into the door lock. I took a deep breath, sliding my hand through the door and frantically reaching for the switch to turn on one of the lights. I could handle it being dark if I turned out the lights myself, but coming home to it being pitch black terrified me. After the light was on, I swung the door open and looked around until I felt it was safe. Sighing, I finally let myself in, grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and underwear, heading for the restroom to shower and prepare for work. I looked in the mirror and felt embarrassed. The guy saw me like this? I had eyeliner on. He probably thought I was one of those Emo kids. I shook my head, why did I care what he thought? Finally showering and scrubbing the black off my eyes, I thought I’d better text Hyuk and make sure he was okay. I sat on my bed and typed away on my phone. Sure enough, after a few moments he wrote me back. He was okay; he figured I had gone home so he tried not to worry. Silly Minhyuk - little did he know I was there the entire time.

I decided to leave for work early, pulling my sneakers and backpack on. I made my way back outside, this time I looked up at the building across the way. Son Hyunwoo, I hoped he really would show up. 


	4. Survivors

**WONHO POV**

Today wasn't the easiest day for me to stay awake. There wasn't any school; it was the weekend so it made my struggle all the more difficult. Minhyuk, my savior, was currently going at non-stop speed about yesterday’s event.

"I couldn't believe all those people showed up!!" Minhyuk had let out over dramatically. "But that jerk wasn't there! Why Seok?! Why wasn't he there?!! I was dressed at my best and he wasn't even there to notice me! Shownu is his best friend right? Why wouldn't he show up to Shownu's party?!" Minhyuk was whining yet again. I heard Shownu' name, which sparked my interest. I suddenly stopped wiping down the shelves in my apartment.

"Hyuk..." I said. Should I really be asking Minhyuk questions about him?

Minhyuk turned to me, tilting his head with a questioning expression.

"Well, umm... I was curious, what's the story on that Shownu guy that you mentioned?" I asked as best I could without sounding too interested. I felt that I should also add a bit more, "What I mean is, if that guy is Jooheon’s best friend, then maybe I can help in understanding your guy a bit," I finished. I think that was the most I'd spoken to Minhyuk in one go.

"Shownu, well... he doesn't get along with others too well," He spoke, I could understand that much. Shownu obviously had a very forward demeanor to him.

The one time I try to have some conversational enthusiasm, this is what my cousin does to me. "I’ve seen him, I could understand that. What I mean is why?" My agitation being made clear. Minhyuk rolled his eyes.

"He seems to think just because he lives a luxurious life and has everything he wants that he can just say and do what he pleases to people. A lot of people at school have tried to talk to him, but he’s not really into being friends with anyone. He’ll simply give rude commentary and pretty much toss them like a piece of trash.” My cousin sighed.

“I also heard that Changkyun is his half-brother and that they have a 'thing' going on. Shownu’s mouth is by far the foulest thing about him. Not to mention he broke my mirror on my car when Papa first bought it. Luckily, Papa got it fixed, but that’s not even the point! I did nothing to that asshole!" His tone was extremely bitter; I was so unused to hearing that from Minhyuk.

I was a bit taken aback by the tone and the way he described Shownu. Last night’s encounter didn't seem that bad. Although, I couldn't exactly be sure about how much sleep deprivation accounted for that. I still felt a need to defend Shownu for reasons unknown, but what would that do? It would just raise questions; questions I did not feel I needed to answer to. I needed to revert my attention back to why I was asking these questions.

"So, is Jooheon like that as well? I mean, like is he mean, rude, and twisted as well?" I asked even though I couldn't care less. I'd keep what Hyuk told me on the back burner until further notice.

Minhyuk was shaking his head. "Absolutely not! He is nothing like that. He parties a bit. He’s an amazing rapper. I also know that he helps his parents out a lot. How or Why he’s friends with Shownu? That’s really beyond me" Minhyuk just sighed.

I was staring at Hyuk as he was talking about Jooheon, but shrugged and continued on with my cleaning while he decided to go on some more about Jooheon.

My mind was on whether Shownu would show up tonight; I'd hoped to get a better impression of him. I wasn't sure when or why I wanted to be a 'friend' to Shownu. I felt because we were in a slightly similar situation, that maybe we could be friends. It was rare for myself as well, but he didn't know my past and he didn't attempt to touch me or converse too much with me. It was a bit comfortable.

Also, I didn't want to pass judgment on him based off of what Minhyuk had said. I knew for a fact I was the last person to be judging because if Shownu judged me by other's assumptions, he'd think I was insane. I sighed; he probably had already thought that about me. I'm sure he had to have heard a rumor or two about the new kid being a 'freak.' I felt the urge to be on at least polite speaking terms with the guy, who Minhyuk made clear that was rare if not, nonexistent.

I continued on cleaning up my place for the rest of the day - anything to keep busy. I really hoped to see Shownu tonight; it was both exciting and scary.

I decided to leave for work early. I had a thought that since Shownu went to the shop a few times and had complimented the food, surely, I could make something new that he’d like, right? Perhaps I could win Shownu’ approval? Uncle told me on a few occasions that, no one could resist my company if I had food and gave a bit of cuteness. I shook my head and smiled while I left my apartment and began the walk down the street.

_The night_. I’m sure that Uncle and Hyuk were asleep by now, oh how I would be envious of them on any other day. Tonight, though, was a bit different. I had something to look forward to, hopefully. I really did hope that Shownu would show up. I had to wonder, if he didn’t show up I’d feel completely dumb for looking forward to it. Geesh, I was sounding like Minhyuk. I shook my head clear of that.

I shortly reached the shop, giving a bow and near silent greeting to everyone that was working. I made my way toward the back, quickly getting to work on some new test runs.

I just finished stuffing new and spicy dumplings. The latest creation I had thought of were busy sitting on trays, waiting to be fried-steamed-fried. It was a bit after midnight when my boss had alerted me that someone was asking for me. I instantly hoped it was Shownu.

I made my way to the front of the shop and immediately spotted a tall male standing off in the back, away from the groups of people and lines. He was dressed in a black leather biker jacket and jeans, his black locks were sort of pushed back and parted on the side. To anyone else he looked like a frightening person, he was a bit taller than I was. His face seemed softer and didn’t hold a cold or blank expression.

I couldn’t hang out in the front; there were always too many people for my liking. So, I asked my manager if my visitor could sit in the back with myself while we worked on a school project. He hesitated at first, but gave in shortly. I had to promise that Shownu would not touch any of the food. 

I made quick of getting Shownu’s attention and asking him to follow me. His face looked a bit surprised and I couldn’t quite understand why. Shrugging it off, I led the way to the back. I offered him a stool as I got back to work. I also apologized for the inconvenience, but explained that I couldn’t take a break right now.

I washed my hands and grabbed some freshly fried gyoza from the cooling rack.  Placing them on a platter, I set it near him.

“No worries, I just came to get some food,” He smirked. “I guess I’m getting special treatment, though, huh?”

I wanted to smile, but I held it in. “Gyoza?” I asked in an almost whisper.

He glanced at the plate and to me before finally reaching for one. He picked one up and inspected it before finally popping one entirely into his mouth. “These are actually good. What’s in them?” His mouth was full; his eyes now held a twinkle in them.

I wanted to smile again, he had liked my filling of choice. “I’m actually not sure, I mixed a blend of meat, veggies, and spices.” I answered quietly while I shrugged.

“Well…” He swallowed the rest of his second one and continued. “I like them. They could almost be my new favorite.” He stated.

“Well, what filling is your favorite?” I asked silently with curiosity.

Shownu was quiet for a moment before he shrugged. “I’ll let you know, when you make it.” He smiled, his eyes crinkled. I was instantly taken back by his genuine smile. It seemed a bit scary and astounding. “You go ahead and try to figure it out while I enjoy the savory goodness.” He said before he winked at me.

We were silent for a few minutes. I didn’t know what I could say or do, so we sort of just fell into that comfortable silence. I continued with the frying and such and he just sat there on the stool. It was awfully weird for me to feel the least bit comfortable, let alone with this guy who I was warned was a creep. If it was anyone else, I would’ve had an episode or run away by now.

He finally spoke up, bringing me from my thoughts. “So what are your dreams about?” Shownu asked quietly. I looked over at him, but he wasn’t staring at me. His gaze was held on something in the distance. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I didn’t feel at ease with talking about my dreams. They weren’t just dreams, they were my reality; my past. I suppose I took too long to answer him because he finally looked at me, our eyes meeting for the countless time. “I didn’t mean to pry. I was curious is all, you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” His voice was deep, but soft. I could see by his expression that he was in fact being sincere.

“Oh, n-n-no… that’s not it” I said quickly. “I, umm… well, I’ve never really talked with anyone about it,” I did my best to explain while fidgeting with my sweater. “I’m pretty positive you think I’m a lunatic. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors. I don’t think I need to speak any more about things like that.” I added bitterly.

Shownu chuckled. I wasn’t sure if he was being mean or what exactly, but he also made no attempts to deny what I had just said either. He sat up straight in the stool after a few moments of utter silence. He sighed heavily and firmly said, “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine.”

 

\---

 

**SHOWNU POV**

This kid’s expression was priceless to say the least; he looked a bit frightened and shocked. I understood, though. I mean, I didn't want to share my past any more than he did. But I was more than curious, to say the least, to find out what the deal was with him.

I hadn't realized I had taken an interest in finding out about the dark haired, emo looking kid until I was sitting in front of Changkyun in the kitchen area this morning. We were having lunch, or rather I was having lunch, and he was barely eating breakfast. I was looking at him in disgust, he just had his head hovering over his plate of food, but then I had to grin. He had a hangover and I was about to nag him about some questions.

"Broooo, it's too early for this. And why are you asking about him?" Changkyun was wearing the oddest look on his face.

"Just tell me what I want to know, you little shit!" I said loudly in an annoyed tone.  _The nerve of this kid_. When he cringed, I knew my volume had gotten to that headache I'm sure he had.

"Can you please keep it down?" he groaned, placing his hands on the sides of his head. I just kept an eye on him until he looked up at me. "He's just really weird, okay?" he sighed and shook his head. "I heard he's been through something really traumatizing and no one can touch him. If people get too close, he freaks out. Y’know Minhyuk? Well that's his cousin and when anyone asks him questions, Minhyuk shoots them down. Everyone has just given up on trying to even ask." he concluded by sticking a piece of fruit in his mouth. The kid soon looked like he wanted to vomit everywhere; I pointed to the bathroom. He ran off shortly in that direction.

I was curiously wondering all day long. I wondered what had to have happened to him. Why didn't he like to sleep? Sure, the bad dreams, but what was the cause of that? And being touched, what was the fucking deal? My thoughts were running overly wild; some of the possible conclusions were cringe worthy. The day was coming to an end, but before I left the house to go see the emo looking kid I made a vow that I would find out the truth.

I didn't understand why I was so curious, but when I was, there was no stopping me.

-

So now, I was sitting here across from Hoseok offering my past for his. It was the only thing I could offer. I only hoped that he'd be as curious about my past as I was of his. I'm sure that Minhyuk had to have told him about me. Which I'm positive were all lies. Minhyuk never fully forgave me for the incident with his car. Mind you, I wasn't the one that fucked up his car mirror in the first place. It was Jooheon, but the sorry asshole was freaking out so badly that he was on the verge of tears. I couldn't help myself, so I had taken the blame. _Fuck!_ Why did Lee have to be this kid's cousin?

"I'll tell you... B-B-But only if you go first," Hoseok's voice was low, but it pulled me from my thoughts.

I looked deep into his dark eyes, noticing they had no eyeliner tonight. I was also taking in what he had just stated.

_Me first_. Fuck. I looked around and tried to think of how I wanted to tell my story without giving too much away, but I decided I just couldn't tell part of it. I felt very anxious and I wanted a cigarette pretty badly. Finally, after a frustrated sigh, I let myself relax as best I could.

"I was twelve and my brother was eight. Our step dad used to..." I swallowed hard and grit my teeth. " He used to do ' _things_ ' to us. Our mother knew, I know she knew, but she let it keep happening. I’d tell her countless times, but she’d simply brush me off. At first, it was just me. It had started a couple of years before. I didn't know what to do, but when he started on Changkyun, I couldn't handle it anymore." I pulled at my hair, I was sure it was messed up by now. I didn't care, though, and continued on.

"I had planned to do something, anything, I could for us to run away. I wasn't sure what else to do. It wasn't until one night, our house was broken into and we were robbed. The robbers had shot our step dad; I took it as a blessing. My mother was a different story, she blamed us both. She said it was all my fault that her precious love was taken away from her." I took a quick look at Hoseok to see any sign of reason not to continue, but there was none. He was listening closely and quietly to my words.

"Our mother sent us away after that," I snorted and rolled my eyes. "My nightmares are..sometimes, it's about what that asshole used to do to me, other times it’s the robbery, and on certain occasions it's about her. There are some days when even events from all the foster homes and orphanages I'd been to, occur in my dreams," I concluded my story and hung my head down. I felt almost shameful and disgusting. I dug into my jacket pocket to find my cigarettes. I placed one to my lips and was tempted to light before I remembered where I was.

Looking over at Hoseok, he was quiet and his eyes were filled with so much emotion. Was this kid giving me pity? I really fucking hated people doing that, so to avoid going off, I broke my gaze and stood up. I needed some fresh air.

"I'm sorry..." He said quickly, yet quietly.

I shrugged; I didn't know what more to do. I didn't want sympathy. "Is there a back door or something? I need a smoke." I said. He quickly moved over and opened a door, the both of us stepped outside. It was his turn to tell, but I didn't pry. I leaned against the wall, enjoying my cigarette, waiting for him to gather up the courage to speak up.

It hadn't taken long until he cleared his throat, turning my attention back to him. He was standing there looking down and twiddling with his fingers.

"My mom married a guy who turned out to be really awful. We were basically held prisoner for over a year. We tried to leave so many times, but it was hopeless. He'd mentally abused her so much that she began to believe what he told her. The physical abuse was worse. Her face would be so swollen at times, I'd hardly recognize her. He made her believe that she had molested me, her own child. He'd force her to do drugs. He was awful; he fed so many ugly twisted lies upon us that we had begun to believe it all.” He released a shaky breath before he continued.

“Eventually, I was next. The drugs, all the abuse, I had been forced to do 'favors' to him in exchange to bathe or get food. Most occasions he'd lock me in the closet for days with no food or drink. I tried to fight him off so many times, I was just too weak though." he had let it all pour out.

My cigarette was sort of just dangling between my lips. I didn't exactly come to that scenario, considering I had thought of everything. I leaned up against the wall, waiting for him to conclude.

His eyes were closed tight; I wasn't sure if he was going to cry or not, but it didn’t go unnoticed that he was shaking. "The guy, he soon got more twisted. He made it a rule, if my mother defied him, he'd cut me..." He stopped; I wasn't sure if he felt he was sharing too much or if he was done. He breathed in and it came out rather shaky.

I felt an urge to give the guy some sort of comfort, but I remembered that I shouldn't. I knew better now that he didn't like being touched, so I just stayed still and listened on to anything further he had to say. I hoped he didn't feel completely alone though.

"H-H-He killed my mother right in front of me," He concluded and there wasn't an ounce of emotion in his tone. He brought his hands up to his eyes and began rubbing them. "I was tied down and forced to just watch h-h-her die. I barely survived, he barely missed a major organ when he stabbed me twice. My nightmares are about all of it and I wish it would go away, but I can't change any of it." He sniffled and when I looked over I could spot the streams of tears coming down his face.

I was positive that there was more. It sounded awful enough, but I was sure that he couldn't trust me that easily with events so traumatic and personal. I did the same on my behalf; I gave plenty of information. It wasn't all of it, though, that's definitely a given. I pressed on no further. I looked over to him again and nodded and mustered up a light smile. I didn't think he was crazy.

We soon wandered back inside. Hoseok had finally spoken up again, breaking us from our silence. "You plan to tell me what your favorite filling or even food is?" his tone was light, he even held a smile.

I leaned forward, resting my hand on my chin. "I'll never tell, until you make it. I do like these right here though." I grabbed a gyoa off the platter and tossed it into my mouth.

Hoseok's face looked lighter as I had complimented his skills. "Maybe..." He stopped and met my eyes. "Maybe you can come by tomorrow and I'll make something new. I feel determined to figure it out." He stated. He was blindly asking me to return.

"I guess I can come by again tomorrow." I rolled my eyes.

His face was so lit up, I couldn't help but smile.  _This kid_.

"So, do you wear eyeliner often or is it only for occasions?" I asked curiously.

His eyes widened. "W-What? No I don't wear eyeliner. My cousin, Minhyuk, made me wear it. He is intent on trying to dress me up in his spare time, which is when he isn't busy fanboying over your friend, Jooheon." He sighed and shook his head.

_Fucking figures_. Minhyuk liked Jooheon, Jooheon liked Minhyuk. They are both a bunch of pussies.

"Minhyuk likes Jooheon?" I asked Hoseok curiously, he just nodded quickly. "Jooheon has been crushing on Minhyuk since we've been friends. It's always something new every day." I sighed and rubbed my temples.

We both had a light laugh on their part. "I personally think that we shouldn't tell either of them anything. Punishment for making yourself and I suffer through their bullshit." I smiled.

Hoseok's lips circled and he nodded.

We were in a comfortable silence again as Hoseok was cooking. I hadn't realized that time had slipped by so quickly. It wasn't until I heard a lot of chatter that I checked my cell phone and noticed it was 5:30am. I'd stuck around for more than 5 hours?!  _Holy shit._

Hoseok's company had gotten me through the night. I was still tired, sure, but I survived the worst part of the day. I was glad that I saved myself any embarrassment of asking to come back again; I enjoyed the company we shared. This was certainly rare on my part. I was the social outcast, which was by choice. I didn't want any attention, hence my career. I was unknown, yet so well known by many. I didn't want to be close with anyone; I couldn't even be close to my own sibling. I had concluded a long time ago that you could let the wrong people in and be fucked over, while you hurt all the right people who didn't deserve any of it.

"Minhyuk told me something. I'm sure it's just a rumor though." Hoseok spoke in a slurred tone, while he moved about the large kitchen.

"Alright. Well, ask," I rolled my eyes and closed my eyes.

"Do you and your brother sleep together?" He asked monotonously.

My eyes were bulging out. What the fuck was Minhyuk telling this kid?

"What the fuck? Fuck no! I barely see that kid during the week. And we live together." I spoke rather loudly.

He just shrugged it off and kept about working, like I was just asked about the weather. "Minhyuk tends to lie and be overly dramatic. I know most of the time he has good intentions, but other times it's just a better idea to stay out of the gossip." He replied.

We spoke no further than that. I felt relaxed until Hoseok's boss came in to alert him of the morning rush. I had concluded that I should be taking my leave. I stood up and stretched out my stiffness.  He stood there grabbing a box and tossing the whole platter of food left into a take-out box. "You can take these home with you. Umm... I'll see you tomorrow." He handed me the box while he sucked in his bottom lip.

I nodded, giving him a soft smirk. "Tomorrow."

We both had survived the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, this story comes from a different fandom of mine. I stopped writing the story ages ago and would like to proceed with writing as this ship. I feel highly inspired. So, I can only hope that you'll enjoy it.


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